“Pinky up!”
It’s a phrase many of us think of when discussing table manners. As it turns out, that’s one piece of etiquette we should leave behind. According to etiquette educator Courtney Opalko, raising your pinky while drinking is actually considered impolite and can even be interpreted as pointing at someone across the table.
That was just one of many lessons our 2026-27 ProFILE cohort learned during a recent business etiquette dinner. While I expected to leave with a better understanding of which fork to use or where to place my napkin, I quickly realized the evening was about much more than table manners. It was about building relationships through respect, confidence and thoughtful communication.
Throughout the meal, Opalko reminded us that etiquette isn’t about appearing formal or perfect. At its core, etiquette is about making those around you feel comfortable and valued. That applies to everyone at the table, from the host to your fellow guests, and especially to the waitstaff serving the meal.
Many of the lessons were practical. We learned to work from the outside-in when choosing utensils, to pass serving dishes from left to right, and to always pass the salt and pepper together, even if someone only asks for one. We learned not to butter an entire dinner roll at once, but instead to pull off one bite-sized piece at a time and butter it. We were also reminded never to season our food before tasting it first, as doing so can unintentionally suggest that we don’t trust the chef’s preparation.
Beyond the mechanics of dining, we explored the small details that quietly communicate professionalism and confidence. Sitting with good posture, using the inside of your napkin for any messes, and waiting until later in the meal to discuss business all help create a welcoming atmosphere where genuine conversation can flourish.
One lesson that particularly resonated with me was how we approach small talk. At a Farm Bureau event, it’s easy to ask someone, “What do you farm?” — but that assumes every member is a farmer.
My fellow ProFILE teammate Katelyn Packard said she prefers to ask, “What’s your connection to agriculture?” It’s a small change in wording, but opens the door to more meaningful conversations and recognizes that many people support agriculture in different ways.
As someone who spends much of my time educating children and connecting consumers with agriculture, that lesson stuck with me. Whether we’re sitting in a board meeting, attending a legislative event, or sharing a meal with someone we’ve just met, the relationships we build often begin with simple conversations. The way we listen, ask questions, and show respect can leave a lasting impression long before any business is discussed.
By the end of the evening, I wasn’t thinking about forks or napkins anymore. I was thinking about leadership. Good etiquette isn’t about memorizing rules or impressing others. It’s about showing kindness, consideration and respect in ways that make people feel welcome.
Those qualities don’t belong just at the dinner table, they’re qualities every Farm Bureau member can carry into our communities, our organizations, and our conversations as we continue advocating for Michigan agriculture.
Barry County Farm Bureau member Kathryn Christie is a member of the 2026-27 ProFILE cohort.
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